Tales of a Princess

The Greatest woman I ever knew

2012-01-11T03:00:00.000-08:00

Last night, I lost my Grammy, but Heaven gained an Angel! Words can not even express how much this beautiful woman meant to everyone who knew her. She was kind and caring and nurturing.
She passed on a love of music to my Mother who passed it down to Me and I ultimately passed it down to my children.
She was funny, oh how she could make people laugh. I remember showing her my Ultrasound pictures when I was pregnant with my third child and had just learned we were having another boy... She was hoping to get a Great Grand-daughter.. She looked at my husband and said "you know how to build a house, but you don't know how to plumb it." I laughed so hard, I thought I might pee. My husband just looked at her in awe, not knowing quite what to say, not daring to say anything. I lost a baby in between Chase and Karter, and I truly believe that was my Girl. Now Grammy is in heaven with that Great Grand-daughter she so badly wanted.
She loved her girls and her Grandchildren unconditionally. She made it a point to come to our ball games and band and choir concerts, and she was our biggest fan, even if we didn't play the best. She supported us in everything we did, always!!!
And you should have seen her face light up when one of her Great Grandchildren was around. She loved them so much, and Oh how they loved her!!!!
She was a Godly woman, who not only taught us, but showed by example how important having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is. I have no doubt that she is dancing on the streets of Gold right now, on legs that were once failing, rejoicing and singing, with a voice that was mostly gone on this earth. She is whole again, catching up with her Mom and Daddy, and seeing Aunt Marie and other family members that have gone before her. She is happy and healthy again!
I am glad she is no longer in pain, and at the same time, I grieve, I hurt, I wish she was whole again and still with us. I grieve for the memories that I had with her that my kids won't get to have. Karter just turns 2 today and he won't remember how incredibly Awesome this woman was. The only memories he'll have of her are the memories of the stories I'll tell him, or the photos I'll show him when he's older.

"Grace was in all her steps. Heaven in her eye. In every gesture dignity and love."

Author: John Milton

Here's another pic... finally

2010-11-17T09:27:00.000-08:00

I sat the boys down and took some photos of them in their Christmas outfits the other day, and although I took lots of pics, I didn't get a lot of awesome ones. Some of my favorites are of Karter. Just seeing the joy and wonder on his face as he played with the Christmas Ornaments made me smile. This picture is 2 of the photos I took, combined with a Close up of a Christmas tree, using Photoshop. My hubby is the Photoshop expert, and I'm thankful for that.

Hey Mom...

2010-10-16T17:29:00.001-07:00

Hey Mom, can I borrow your Cricut??? This is Mr. Karter trying to climb out of his play gym and get Mommy's Cricut cartridges... Maybe he wants to scrap!! I caught him doing this and knew I had to get it on camera. Hope you get as much enjoyment out of it as I did!

Hope you are having a great weekend!

What a stud!!!

2010-10-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

Here is my handsome stud in his Kindergarten photo... I'm polishing up my Louisville slugger, because I know all too soon, I'll be having to beat the girls off him! Special thanks to my very dear friend who was the photographer for the company that did the school pics!

Today's photo!!

2010-10-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

Here are my handsome boys enjoying the Farmer's Inn a couple of weeks ago. We all enjoyed some of the last nice days of summer, seeing all the animals and getting a pressed penny for our scrapbook! OK, here you go... 2 in a row.. LOL I'm on a roll! Hope you enjoyed!!

Photo of the day is back...

2010-10-13T05:06:00.001-07:00

It's ba-ack.... at least for today.. The photo of the day for today is my Sweet Sleeping Baby. Sometimes there is just nothing better than snuggling a sleeping baby to your chest. Karter is very much a Mommy's boy, and loves to snuggle... this is one of the few times that I didn't just let myself fall asleep with him... I mean he's so cozy and comfy..... and warm, sometimes it's hard to resist the urge to just let go and forget everything for a brief moment to just revel in his soft skin and hair and enjoy this time with him.... All too soon he will be up and running, and after they do that, they want to snuggle mommy less and less.... So, I cherish these moments with him.
Sorry there hasn't been a photo for a few weeks... sometimes life just gets in the way. Hopefully I'll have a bit more time in the near future, as I use a few vacation days and get a bit more time off work. I take photos nearly every day, it's just a matter of getting them here.. I'll try to keep up on here, but I'm making no promises!

I got to Scrapbook today!!!

2010-09-16T09:36:00.000-07:00

I'm off work today.. YAY!! I just worked 7 in a row, so it's a nice break. This morning Karter has been snuggling Daddy in bed and Chase is at school. That gave me time to sit at my desk and Scrapbook. With Pandora radio in my headphones, and paper, photos, and embellishments on my desk I actually completed a LO in about an hour and a half.... (That was with a few small interuptions) After thumbing through about 50 photos, most of which I am embarrassed to say are from Karter's first week on the outside, I decided which photo I wanted to scrap.
I just grabbed a bunch of stuff and this is what I came up with.. It really took me longer to put it all together than anything. I knew I had super cute ribbon that I wanted to use, and I wanted to distress something (the torn and inked edges of the photo mat) and of course me being a Sassy Blinging Babe, the LO would HAVE to have some bling on it somewhere. I found the stork left over from another set of stickers and the transparency with the word baby all over it happened to be hidden in my stash too. I figured now was as good a time as any to use it. I had no ideas in mind when I sat down, but I'm pretty pleased with this project.
I really should have been doing laundry instead of sitting here but sometimes you just need a creative release, and for me Scrapbooking is just that!

Oh, and by the way, sorry I didn't get a photo up yesterday.. I'll try to post one every day, but I'm making NO promises! Sometimes life just doesn't afford me the time to get a creative or interesting photo.

Just sayin'

2010-09-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

So, about the Fruit Puffs I wrote about yesterday... You know... The ones that are awesome.. I mean... Just sayin. I've been told that they are "Baby Crack", because they are so yummy that babies get addicted to them. I'm beginning to believe all Gerber Graduates Products are made with this same ingredient that causes babies to become addicts.

There should be a Public Service announcement.. or a Surgeon Generals Warning on them.. you know like the ones they put on Cigarettes and I'm sure lots of other products... It could read something like this:
Caution! May be habit forming.. May cause irritability in small children if not distributed quickly enough..Package may become empty at an alarming rate. Adults should Not use without Supervision of a child.
That last one is for the Mom's and Dad's (and Big brothers in my house) who "try one"... Trying one usually ends up in the Adult (or Big Brother) forgetting just who these snacks are for and eating way too many themselves! Because they are AWESOME.... Just sayin'
On that note, I'm headed out to cook dinner and feed a few of these to my baby while I'm cooking.

Way too Early!!!

2010-09-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

Here is Today's Photo:

Here's Karter at 6:30 A.M. He is way too happy to be up at that time of day... It might be the fact that I had just nursed him and he was sitting in his high chair. He knows when he sit in his high chair, he gets big boy food, and this morning was no exception. He was getting ready to have some Fruit Puffs by Gerber. Have you ever tried those things??? They are awesome... I mean... just sayin'

New Idea!!

2010-09-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

I have decided to try something new with my blog. I'm going to try post a photo a day. Hopefully I can keep up with this project... Just a warning... these photos will be random... Just whatever feel like taking a picture of each day.Today's photo is my son's desk.. primarily the Play doh mess that he made. He left all this Play doh out to dry out After he was told more than once to clean it up and put it away...and now he's grounded from his Play doh until he can be responsible with it.
OK, that's all for today. See you tomorrow!!

Tired of fighting with Blogger right now!

2010-09-01T07:25:00.000-07:00

OK, so I'm tired of fighting with Blogger right now, so the post I was attempting tp write today is not happening...

Some of my SVG creations

2010-04-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

Here are a few svg files that I have created using Vector Magic. Hope you like them. I'll try to make some more and have them available here for free download. All I ask is if you use one, you link back to my blog so I can share them with lots of other people as well. I thought with the end of the school year rapidly approaching, and my son preparing to graduate pre-school, I would make some Graduation themed svg's. Here are a couple different Graduation Caps: Click the picture to download the file.

Here is a Solid Graduation cap: Click the picture for the download.
Hope you enjoy, and check back for more free SVG's! Have a blessed weekend

Sassy Blinging Blog Hop

2010-04-17T03:00:00.000-07:00

Thanks for stopping by my blog and participating in the First Sassy Blinging Babes Blog Hop. If you've been here before, glad to have you back and Welcome to those who are visiting for the first time.

My newest obsession is a product from Craft Edge, called Sure Cuts A Lot. I just need to tell you I love this program!! I have had so much fun creating with it and cutting things out using my Cricut Expression. You can use it to cut any True Type Font that you have in your computer, as well as SVG files that you can create using a program called Vector Magic. (I'll explain that more in another post) Maybe I'll figure out how to put my own designs up for free download sometime.. if I ever get some free time!

I'm a busy mom of a 5 year old and a 3 month old, so I don't often have a lot of time to create. Fortunately, I found some great sites that offer SVG files for free download. I used a few of them for this LO and I love how it turned out!
The photo is my youngest son, at 2 months old, on his first St. Patricks day (looking cute as ever) wearing the shirt that his Dad and I created for him using Photo Shop and simply printing the design on iron on paper and ironing it on a onesie.

First I used an Irish Hat SVG from this site:
http://lshdesigns.blogspot.com/2010/02/paper-piecing-patte rn-freebie.html
I inked the edges of the green pieces and the entire shamrock with Green Pigment Ink from Studio G. I used Black Bazzill Bling Card Stock for the hat band, and DCWV Metallic Card Stock for the Gold Buckle.
Then I created a Pot of Gold using an SVG from this site:
http://svgshop.com/blog/?p=1106
I used some Metallic Card Stock from Best Occasions in 2 different colors for the Pot and DCWV Metallic Card Stock in Gold for the gold coins in the pot. Although it's hard to see in the photo, I added some Gold glitter just to add a bit more BLING to the LO.

I created my own Rainbow in SCAL, but later found this link for a rainbow that would have worked just as well.
http://lshdesigns.blogspot.com/2010/01/free-svg-rainbow.html

The Font I used for the title was a free download from www.dafont.com. It is called Action Is. There are some awesome fonts on this site and they are free to download, which makes them all the more awesome!

Thanks for checking out my blog. I hope you enjoyed your visit. Hop on over to check out what's going on at the other babes' blogs too. Next up is Kelly at http://foreverpaperdreams .blogspot.com/

Karter's Birth Story

2010-01-20T08:10:00.001-08:00

On Monday January 11, 2010 we arrived at the hospital just before 7am for my scheduled induction. I went to Labor and Delivery and they got me set up in my room with all the monitors and such on and told me Dr. Rapaport would be in soon to check on me. My nurse Colleen was very friendly, and we hit it off right away!
At 7:45 Dr. Rapaport came in to check me and said I was a good 3-4 cm dilated. At that time, he broke my water. It was such a weird feeling... I almost felt like I was peeing myself! He told me then that if I was planning on having an epidural, that I should get my IV put in soon. The first time the nurse tried to put the IV in, resulted in a blown vein, and since I'm not a fan of needles, she asked another nurse to come in and try to put the IV in. The second try worked just fine...although it was a little more painful.
The nurse then told me I could get up and walk, which I did for a little while, but it was only Jake and I at the hospital at that time, and he wasn't feeling very well, so he wanted to go back to the room and sit down but he didn't want me to walk by myself, so we both went back, and I just got back in bed and watched tv for a while.
At 11am, the Nurse talked to the Dr. and he deci ded that since breaking my water had done little to speed up or intensify my contractions that I needed to be started on the Pitocin. It took less than an hour and 2 upped dosages to get the contractions so intense that I was ready for the Epidural. During that time, I had been up sitting in the recliner, just relaxing and watching Ellen and chatting with my nurse. I called my mom and told her that she could start heading to the hospital.
I tried to hold off on the Epi for as long as I could, but I finally asked at about 12:15 if I could get the Epidural, and the nurse checked me and said that I was a "full 4 centimeters dilated" so yes I could get the Epi. She went to call the Anesthesiologist, and I waited and tried to breath through some VERY intense contractions. I tr ied to stay relaxed, but they were so painful, that my body just wanted to tense up every time I felt one coming on! When she came back in my room, she had me get back in bed so I would already be there for the Epi. The Anesthesiologist came in about 12:30 and by 12:40 I had my Epidural in and I was feeling NO pain! It wasn't easy getting the Epi in though because my ve rtibrae are "tight". The first try didn't work, so he had to move up a bit farther on my back to try again. When all was said and done, I told the anesthesiologist I loved him, and I told everyone else that "the epidural guy is a god". It was such a weird feeling having the Epidural for quite a while (much different than labor with Chase) before time to push, because my legs felt so heavy!
She continued to up the Pitocin every 30 minutes and I could feel the contractions coming and going, but they didn't hurt.. it was just pressure.
At 2:45pm, the nurse checked me again and I was 6cm dilated. She was supposed to be done at 3, but the nurse taking over was in a meeting with the Head OB nurse, so Colleen stayed on til 4, when Lisa came in and took over.
At 4:30pm, Dr. Rappaport called and wanted to know what kind of progress I was making, so Lisa checked me and I was 9 and 1/2 cm, and still feeling NO PAIN!! She told me that we would be pushing soon and that the Dr. was on his way over from the office.
At 5pm, I started to push. They kept saying that they could see his head and told me that he had a ton of hair. Lisa didn't think it would take too much pushing for him to be delivered, but after an hour, I was a lmost ready to give up! I just kept trying to focus on getting him out, and at 6:18pm My beautiful baby Karter Jacob weighing in at 7lb 12oz and 20.5 inches long was fi nally born! Jake gave my mom the Honor of cutting the cord (since he had done it with Chase). Welcome to the World Karter! We are so blessed to have you!

Almost time!!!

2010-01-10T03:50:00.000-08:00

Well, so much has happened since last time I wrote! The last time I wrote, we had just found out we were expecting but hadn't told anyone yet. This time I'm getting ready to deliver this beautiful baby! I've got a lot of catching up to do!
Here is a semi time line of events as written in my pregnancy journal (which once again I didn't keep up with)
5-19-2009: Took first pregnancy test.. I felt the results were inconclusive.. (maybe I was in shock and disbelief) The + was there, but it didn't look like it was supposed to.. one line was darker than the other

5-20-2009: Took a second test... this was a 1 line your not, 2 lines you are kind of test... There were definitely 2 lines on this one!
I was so scared!!! Scared something was going to go wrong, and I was going to lose this baby too, just like I had done 6 months prior!

6-3-2009: I had my first prenatal appointment, and to my surprise, the nurse calculated that according to my last menstrual period, I was 10 weeks pregnant already!!! I was scheduled for an ultrasound on June 26, but since the nurse felt I was farther along then we thought, we had better move the appointment up to June 9. They gave me an estimated Due date of December 30, 2009. I had been having Evening sickness instead of Morning sickness and even laying in bed at night made me nauseas! I knew that being sick was a good sign of a healthy pregnancy, but I was still nervous and worried about this baby!

6-9-2009: Today we had the first Ultrasound! Everything looked fine and we got to see the baby's heartbeat. According to gestational size, my due date has been pushed back to January 12, 2010.
Seeing the baby's heartbeat took a huge weight off my chest! I still worry, but not near as much as I have up to this point! We also told the family today that we are pregnant!

6-18-2009: Today marks 10 Weeks 2 Days! I'm still getting sick, and it's far worse in the evening than it is at any time during the day! Work really tires me out and when I get home, I'm ready for a nap. I still worry every day about the health of the baby, but I have faith that God will see us through to a healthy baby in 6 and 1/2 months. I've been taking pictures of my belly on Friday of every week for the last couple weeks and as long as I don't forget I'll take one tomorrow too.

6-30-2009: I haven't been sick the last day or 2, just a little queasy. I'm feeling a lot better. Today marks 12 weeks, so that's probably why the nausea is getting better. I'm starting to get excited! I can't wait til we have out next ultrasound. I really wasnt to find out if the baby is a boy or girl. I really would like to have a girl this time, but all that really matters in that we have a healthy baby! Thank you Jesus for giving us this precious gift!

7-3-2009: I've been feeling so much better the past couple days. I'm 12 weeks 3 Days now, and it is normal to start feeling less sick, but it still kind of worries me, (since the morning sickness went away when I lost our Angel baby). I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed, but sometimes it is difficult. I'm still praying and so thankful that God has blessed us with this baby! Thank you Jesus!!

7-10-2009: I had another Dr appointment today and we got to listen to the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. The heartrate was 148, that is slower than Chases was, and I wonder if this indicates we are having another boy?? It really does not matter, as long as this baby is healthy. I think I felt the baby move today! It was a distinct little flutter as I was standing in front of the counter in Jeremy and Jen's kitchen helping get dinner ready. I only felt it once, but I'm pretty sure it was the baby!

7-13-2009: Now at 13Weeks 6 Days, I'm feeling better. I officially start my Second Trimester tomorrow! I love my Miracle baby!

7-16-2009: Today I scheduled my ultrasound appointment! It is August 21, at 11AM. I'm excited to find out the sex of the baby, only 5 weeks to go! I would prefer a girl, but it doesn't matter, as long as it's a healthy baby! I saw the cutest onesie yesterday... It was pink and purple and said "if the tiara fits..." I thought that would be so fitting for a little girl of mine, considering I'm such a princess!

7-29-2009: I've been kind of paranoid and a little depressed lately... I'm feeling better today though. I've been worried that something will go wrong. I dreamed last night that we are having a girl.. I have crazy dreams most nights. I actally look forward to having the crazy dreams! I felt the baby move more today too. This time I'm absolutely sure what I felt! I got my hair cut a few days ago. I got about 8 inches off of it and got it layered. It looks really good now! Jake wasn't too thrilled (he never is when I cut my hair) but it will be easier to take care of once I have the baby.

8-22-2009:
We had the BIG ultrasond yesterday. It was so exciting to see our little miracle in there healthy and growing exactly on target! We are pleased to announce that we are having a BOY!!!! I'm so relieved that everything is perfect. He is handsome just like his daddy! Chase is SO excited about being a big brother and really thrilled that we are having a boy instead of a girl! The ultrasound was awesome!! We got to see our little man in 4D!!! They also gave us lots of pictures of him.. 14 to be exact! Now the task will be coming up with a name for this little guy! Chase just wants to call him Captain Jack Sparrow, and although it's a cool name, I don't think that will go with our last name very well..

8-25-2009: Chase wanted to write a letter to his brother in my journal... it reads:
Dear Baby Brother,
I love you!
Love,
Your Big Brother Chase

8-25-2009: I'm frustrated Jake and I can't agree on a name.. 20 Weeks today! Halfway to holding my newest baby boy in my arms!!! I can't wait to meet him, to kiss his sweet head, face, hands, all of him!!! I'm having a blast feeling our littl guy kicking so much! He actually woke me up with his kicks this morning. It was a much better wakeup call than an alarm!

9-3-2009: I'm past the halfway point in this pregnancy now. I'm so excited and can't wait to meet my little guyI still feel in awe sometimes, even as my belly grows and my feet swell (along with my hands), I still find it hard to believe that I have been blessed again! I am so thankful to have this opportunity to carry and eventually raise another child. God has truly blessed me! Chase is getting very excited too! He often wants to look at "stuff for our baby". Then he proceeds to tell anyone who will listen how to use said products. I find it sweet that he is so interested and wants to be so involved. I'm also glad we have chosen to let him be such an important part of this process of growing OUR family. We want him to know that he is just as important to our family as his baby brother. I just don't want him to ever feel left out. He is going to be a wonderful big brother and we are so blessed to have him!

So I have slacked and not even written in my pregnancy journal since September... A lot has happened since then. In late October (around 28 weeks) I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, and had to begin watching what I eat (and drink) and had to start testing my sugar 4 times a day! I have been able to pretty much keep my sugar under control through diet alone, which is good. That means I don't have to take insulin shots or any other medication for the diabetes. Thank God! Because of the Gestational Diabetes, I have gone for an Ultrasound every week since week 34. They check to make sure baby isn't getting too big, and they also do a Biophysical Profile, to check on baby's breathing and muscle tone as well as the amount of amniotic fluid.

At the 34 week Ultrasound, baby Karter (yes we finally chose a name) was estimated to weigh about 5lb. 7oz.

At the 38 week Ultrasound, they estimated his weight again and he weighed in at 6lb. 10oz. However the ultrasounds can be off by up to 1 lb either way, so he could be bigger or smaller.

Today, I am 39 weeks 5 days. I go in tomorrow morning at 7 am to have labor induced. I'm a little nervous, but so excited!! We can't wait to meet the newest member of our family! God has greatly blessed us, and I couldn't be more thankful!

Questioning Faith

2009-06-05T16:24:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging lately, and I miss it, sometimes though, I wonder if I have anything to say that anyone would be interested in reading. Tonight, that isn't the case. Actually, it doesn't matter who reads my blog. Mostly, I'm writing it for me.
Tonight I'm dealing with some fears and questioning my faith. I had faith when I was a kid... I have seen miracles happen... Why now, when I'm praying for a miracle for my own life, am I so unsettled? I've been praying, and trying to just give my fears up into God's hands, but Satan is working overtime in this little head of mine.
I've already seen a miracle in that I have conceived again, just 5 months after losing our last baby. (We've never conceived in anything less than 3 years before) Why then, can I not believe that God has his hand upon me and this baby. I mean, I do believe it, I'm just having trouble believing that He is going to let me carry this baby to full term and give birth to a healthy baby. I mean, why should he, I'm a sinner, and not the best Mom in the world. But I have Love to give... LOTS of it, and I'm trying to be a better Christian. I'm by no means perfect. I just have to keep reminding myself that Jesus died on that cross for my sins, and I'm forgiven.
I am scheduled for an Ultrasound on Tuesday...only 4 days away and I'm so anxious and apprehensive about it. I'm afraid there will be no heartbeat in our baby... again! According to calculations, I'm already 10 weeks, which is farther than we made it last time, but I'm still worried. I'm praying for strength and peace about it. I'm trying to have faith... even as a mustard seed, but today, has been a very difficult day.
Why when I have seen so many miracles happen, can I not believe he'd do one for me???

Let him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you. 1 Peter 5:7

I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. John 14:27

He tells us right here in these verses that he will take care of things. I know this to be true... Sometimes we just need to be reminded.

By the way, we haven't told any family that we are pregnant yet! Hopefully we'll have good news for them on Tuesday.

Reminiscing

2009-04-17T04:14:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, while Jake and I were cleaning out our bedroom (it has been a catch all for the last 4 years) He found the pregnancy journal that I not so diligently wrote in when I was pregnant with Chase, just about 5 years ago. I started to read it and decided I'd share some bits and pieces of it with you. And since today is the 5 year anniversary of my positive pregnancy test, I figured what better time to share these things... not to mention Chase is still sleeping, so I can think properly without interruption.
For some reason, I didn't immediately start writing as soon as I found out I was pregnant, but I did start writing about 2 months later.

June 19, 2004
Outside, I hear the voice of a child. I wonder who it is. I also wonder what your voice will sound like, what your cry will sound like. I wonder what kind of things you are going to like doing. Will you like golfing and fishing? Will you enjoy swimming and reading and playing video games and drawing?
Present
Chase does like golfing, and as of yet, we haven't taken him fishing, but we plan to go fishing this summer and his Poppa got him a fishing pole (instead of candy) for Easter, so I'm very much looking forward to teaching him how to cast and reel, and maybe even take the fish off his hook. (so he can do it for Me) He loves swimming and just being in the water in general... even in the bathtub. He also loves Video games and books, and I love reading books to him. He hasn't really gotten into drawing much yet, but he likes to scrapbook with Mommy, so that makes me happy!

Well, Chase is up now, so I must get going, before he turns the house upside down. There will be more reminiscing to come, so stay tuned.

It's been a while!

2009-03-26T17:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while and I have had a lot on my mind lately...
My thoughts are a jumbled mess. I need to try to get them in some kind of order. I had been doing pretty well for a while, feeling like I was healing emotionally from losing the baby, that is until it dawned on me, just how many of my friends are pregnant or just had babies. Is it wrong of me to be jealous of them?? Is it wrong of me to resent their ability to get pregnant or their ability to carry to term and give birth to healthy babies? Don't get me wrong, I am happy for them and nothing makes me happier than seeing those I care about happy, but it hurts.... a lot!

On a happier note though, I had a customer at work mention to me about how happy I always am and that I'm always smiling. He asked how I stayed so happy... First of all I thought.. "I'm good at faking it." Then I thought of a Christian song I 've enjoyed listening to lately... (one that often gets stuck in my head) I can't think of the name of the girl who sings it right now... or even the title because my thoughts are so jumbled, but it says "Do they see Jesus in me, do they recognize your face, do I communicate your love and your grace?" And I thought "do they see Jesus in me?" Do they see that I'm a normal person with problems just like the rest of the world, but I try not to let them get me too far down so that people can still see Jesus in me and see that I am a work in progress, just like everyone else, but I don't let that define who I am as a person. I'm not grumpy or mean to my customers. I always tell them to have a good day, and I honestly DO want them to have a good day. I want them to see what Jesus can do for them, just as he continues to do for me. I am who I am BECAUSE I do have Jesus in me and I am Thankful for Him!

Well, I have to cut this short. Maybe I'll stop procrastinating and write more tomorrow.. I guess it doesn't much matter where my post goes.. My blog is my thoughts, so if no one else understands it, it's no big deal.

My Angel Baby

2009-02-27T04:27:00.000-08:00

I haven't gotten to sit down and scrapbook much lately, but last night, I finished a layout I started about 2 and 1/2 months ago. Here it is.
This was a very emotional layout, and as just about anyone would imagine, very difficult to scrap.
The poem on the LO reads:

An Angel once lay beneath my heart,
A promise of life to come;
My little babe, was resting there,
Yet would not follow me home

My tiny, precious angel,
Had plans unknown to all.
For my Angel heard the voice of God,
And hastened to his call .

My Angel flew on fragile wings,
Into the Father's arms
To slumber there in peaceful rest,
Untouched by earthly harms.

So slumber there my pecious child,
Till I can come to you.
I'll keep you here, deep in my heart.
Till my journey on earth is through.

I'm still not sure if I'm completely satisfied with the layout, but I'm calling it finished for now at least. I started this page about 2 weeks after my D&C, and it sat unfinished and untouched until last night. I just couldn't come up with what I wanted to do as far as the angel goes. At first I just wanted some type of Angel embellishment to put somewhere on the page along with the poem. Then I decided I wanted angel wings coming from behind the poem, but when I couldn't find anything like I was looking for (either online or in my Local Scrapbook Store) I decided to print the poem on Vellum and put an angel above it. 2 problems with that idea, The first problem being that I didn't have enough room left on the page for something like that, and the second problem being that I could not find an angel picture that I liked. When I did a google image search, I found a whole bunch of Anime angels and Topless angels, and all kinds of other weird angels. I just couldn't find what I wanted! Then I remembered the E-card my mom had sent me the day we found out about the baby. That was where I got the poem too... why hadn't I thought of it before? In it, was a beautiful image of an angel holding a baby. It was just what I had been looking for!
The day my mom had sent me that E-Card, I was so mad at her. (Not to mention how mad I was at God?) I thought it was very insensitive of her and I hated that she sent it to me, how dare she tell me that my baby was in heaven, the very day that I had lost it! I didn't want my baby in Heaven . I wanted my baby inside me, growing and thriving. But for some reason, I never deleted that Ecard from my inbox. I'm sure God knew that someday, I would be glad to have it and that it would be used as a tool to help me in the healing process. I don't know how many times I have gone back and read that poem and cried my eyes out, missing my baby, thinking about all the things I'll never get to share with Him/Her. So, when I went back to read it once again last night, and I didn't cry my eyes out, I knew God had given me enough peace to finally scrapbook this very important part of my life, just like any other memory.

So, when I sat down last night, and decided to finish this LO, again, I racked my brain trying to decide exactly HOW, I wanted to do it. I knew I wanted an Angel in the LO somewhere and then it dawned on me, I could print on Vellum and have the Angel BEHIND the poem. Since I don't have a photo editing program in my computer, (and I don't really know how to use Photoshop very well) I enlisted Jake's help in removing the background from the angel and placing the of poem over top of it. I enjoyed working on this with my hubby. I feel likle it helped us connect a little more. I had been kind of bitter towards him for a while after we lost the baby. I was upset that it wasn't nearly as hard for him to heal after the loss. I had to heal emotionally, AND physically, and I'm still a work in progress, but, I am so thankful that God has given me a loving and supportive husband, who is knows how important this baby is to me and knows how important it is for me to ceate this Tribute. Even more, I'm Thankful that God has given me some peace about the situation.
Thank You Jesus!
Nearly 4 months after our loss, I still miss that baby, and I do still cry. (I've shed more than a few tears just writing this post) But I'm a much better person for it, and a better Christian. I have gone to God in Prayer, and Thanks so much more in the last 4 months than I have in the past 8 years.
Well, Chase is up now, and my train of thought has derailed.
And before I forget to tell you. Thank you for all the prayers you have been praying on our behalf. They are very much appreciated!

Lord please give me strength

2009-02-13T03:54:00.000-08:00

It's been a little while since I blogged last. I'm in a sort of depression, and I'm trying so hard to kick it. The last few weeks, I haven't been able to sleep as well as normal. I've been dreaming a lot of weird dreams lately, which is NOT normal for me. Usually, I don't dream, and if, on that rare occasion I do, I don't remember them anyways. The past week though, I have been dreaming some kind of weirdness almost every night.

I've been trying to get some scrapping done. I have been asked to make another baby album as a gift for a friend. I had no idea how hard it would be to scrap a baby's birth, and all the other milestones in a baby's first year. Being that my own loss was just 3 months ago. I'm really struggling with this one. I thought about duplicating some of the LO's I did for the first baby album I made, but the Mom's are cousins and I want each of them to have a book tailored more towards each one of them.

On the subject of babies, I was to the Doctor last Friday to discuss our fertility options. As soon as Aunt Flo makes her visit this month, I have to go back and have an ultrasound to make sure I don't have any ovarian cysts or anything, and I have to have blood work done to check some hormone levels. I will then start Clomid to make me ovulate. After that, hopefully I can come back here in a couple months and tell you I'm pregnant. I'm not holding my breath though. I don't know how much more dissapointment I can handle. I'm so thankful that I have Jesus to get me through. If not for Him, I don't know where I'd be now.

On a random note, I'm getting my hair permed today. I'm excited! I haven't had a perm since right before Chase turned a year old. He's 4 now! My hair is sooo long now (more than halfway down my back) so it should look really nice and not be too curly just because of how heavy my hair is. I'm just getting tired of the straightness of it and I decided it was time for a change.

Please continue to pray for my family and I. Ask God to give me strength to get this album done, and ask him also to give us strength through the ups and downs of the stressfull process of fertilty treatments.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillipians 4:13

Nearly 3 months later!

2009-02-05T13:40:00.000-08:00

As I was emailing a friend last night, I suddenly realized that the day after tomorrow will be 3 months since we got the devastating news that the baby we were so looking forward to, had no heartbeat. I thought I was doing pretty well with getting on with life and looking forward to the future, until that moment! When it dawned on me that yet another annniversary is approaching, I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach! My mood instantly fell. I've been kind of depressed lately anyways. I think part of it has to do with this winter seeming so long, but if I get real with myself instead of kidding myself, I realize that I am in no way "over" this.
I go back to the Doctor tomorrow. We are going to talk about the fertility issues and about the chances of conceiving again and carrying to full term. To be honest... as badly as I want to heal and as badly as I want another baby, I am TERRIFIED!!! I'm terrified that I won't get pregnant again. I'm terrified that I will get pregnant again, and I am beyond terrified that something will go wrong again.
I have had a couple friends who have given birth since I lost the baby and a few more who are pregnant now. It's hard to look at them and not miss the baby that I so recently lost. But at the same time, I remember back to when Chase was but a tiny baby, my how he's grown!
No one knows what the future holds, but I sure do hope that my future has me holding yet another baby of my own. I do know that I'm going to keep praying that God's plan for me is similar to the plan I have for myself, and your prayers would be greatly appreciated too!

2009-02-01T13:22:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since the last time I blogged, but there hasn't been much going on. I've been scrappin, as usual but it is taking me what seems like forever to get the projects done. Once I finally finish them, I am happy with them though. I don't absolutely LOVE anything I've done lately, but we all have those days!
No matter how much stuff I have, I always feel like I don't have the right things.. or the one thing that would make the project great! I guess that's probably a pretty common feeling though.
We are getting ready to leave to go to a friend's house to watch the Super Bowl, so I'll try to write again later or in the next few days.
Go Steelers!!!

Many thoughts!

2009-01-20T15:38:00.000-08:00

In the last few days, I have been bombarded with thoughts. Many different topics have entered my mind during this time. My faith being the most prominent one. The past few months have been very trying for us as a family, and without God's help, I honestly don't think I would have made it through those times. And I owe a HUGE Thanks to a great friend of mine who has a genuine love for Jesus and is a great witness for Him, who has been talking with me and praying for me. Thank You Candace!
So, I dusted off my bible the other night, after talking to my friend and reading the Blog of someone else who is On Fire for God, and let me tell you, it felt so good to sit and read, and pray and just talk to God. I'm so glad He never gives up on us! I'm especially glad he never gave up on me! When I woke up the next morning, my first though while climbing out of bed was "Thank You Jesus."
I've also been listening to a lot of Contemporary Christian music on this awesome site called Pandoraradio.com. All you have to do is go there sign up which only takes a minute and is FREE! Then you can just type in the name of any artist you want to listen to music from, and they have it all! They then create your own personal station based on the artist you typed in. That station only plays music from that artist and others similar to them. I love it! I have been listening to some music that really tugs at my heart strings, and really makes me think!
I'm far from being a "Good Christian" but I'm trying, and praying and asking God to walk with me and lead me to where he wants me to be. The most difficult part is that my husband is Not a Christian. He shuts down when I try to talk to him about God. He's been hurt a lot in life and he doesn't get how or why if this God we talk about is so great, does he let so many suffer in so many ways. For a while, I too was angry and wondered the same things of God. When I lost the baby, just over 2 months ago, I was angry and hurting in a way I can not even describe, and I wondered what I had done to God to make him put me through this. Although, it is still painful at times, I know God didn't let this happen to hurt me. I think He meant it as a learning experience and maybe a wake up call to bring me back to what I know to be right and true, HIM.
Well, I still have so many thoughts in my head that I cannot possibly put together in a way that would make any sense right now, So, I think I'll go for tonight.

And the award goes to...

2009-01-16T21:06:00.000-08:00

My blog got it's first award! Thanks to Candace (http://cestmoicm.blogspot.com) my blog received the Honest Scrap award! Now I have to first write ten honest things about myself and then pass this award on to seven people who I think are honest scrappers.

1) I fall asleep almost every time I start to watch a movie!
2) I hate seafood of all kinds... except tuna!
3) I love to sing and think I'm pretty good, but I have horrible stage fright.
4) I was a contestant in the miss Teen ALF pageant when I was 16.
5) I drink Milk from the jug.
6) I have collected Barbies since I was about 14.
7) I feel things very deeply and cry easily.
8) I take Chase to bed with me if Jake is staying up, so I'm not alone.
9) I despise washing Dishes and they almost always pile up till Jake does them.
10) The only thing I have ever been sure I wanted to be when I grew up is a... Mommy

Now I get to award this to seven people who I believe are worthy of the Honest Scrap award:
1) Allie~ http://alliefortworth.blogspot.com/
2) Ria~ http://mariabrownsblog.blogspot.com/
3) Noelle~ http://noellescraps.blogspot.com/
4) Chelle~ http://blog.jmlamb.net/chelle/
5) Dawn~ http://dawnylovestoscrap.blogspot.com/
6) Sarah~ http://papertree.blogspot.com/
7)Melissa~ http://northernmemories-melissa.blogspot.com/

Snow is fun!

2009-01-12T16:08:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I took Chase over to my brother's house to play in the snow with my nephews. We had a lot of fun...
We took Chase's excavating equipment (backhoe and front loader) over and had fun digging in the snow with it.

I had decided to make a snow angel, so I laid down on the ground. As I was lying there trying to make my angel, Chase decided he wanted to bury me in the snow. I thought this might be fun and he and my nephews began to pile snow on top of me. All I asked was that they not throw the snow in my face. Everything was going fine for a while and then they started throwing snow on my face and I decided I was done playing that game... however, I was partially buried in the snow, so I had to have my 9 year old nephew help me up out of the snow...there was lots of it too, almost a foot! I'll bet that was a sight to see!

All in all, we had a good time. Chase had a great time frolicking in the snow even though it is nearly a foot deep! It had a slight crust of ice over it, so even if you broke through, your foot never went completely to the ground. He would have had a very difficult time walking if the snow wasn't packing under our feet. Here are a few more pics of the fun he had.

Snowed in...Time to be creative!

2009-01-10T10:41:00.000-08:00

Guess what!!! It snowed last night... and this morning, and this afternoon. As a matter of fact, it is still snowing! We probably have about 10 inches out there... it is so pretty... except on the roads!
This picture was taken just after I got up this morning around 9 am. Jake went out around 10:30 to shovel. He has shoveled 3 times today, shoveling approximately 3-4 inches each time! I was supposed to be at work at 1, but the roads were terrible. So I called in and let them know that I wasn't going to be able to get there. The tires on our car aren't too great on snow and I spun the car around twice last winter, so I'm just a little worried about driving on roads this bad now. It never used to bother me until then. Jake had to drive 1/2 a mile to the store to get cigarettes and he got the car stuck in the parking lot at the store. It hadn't been plowed yet. Heck, the roads haven't been plowed much either. The snow has just kept coming down, extremely heavy at times, making the roads very difficult to navigate. It is beautiful and pure and I'm just amazed at how something so beautiful can be so dangerous at the same time. Here is another picture of the snow, after some snow had been plowed and shoveled, but it was coming down faster than people can clear it.

And since I'm snowed in, I decided to finally get around to altering my computer case. I used Glitz Rub ons and I think it's pretty... and girly. My brother will be horrified when he sees it. He gave me this PC and he'll just think it's silly that I put girly stuff on it. I didn't do a whole lot, because of the way the case is shaped and where the air vents are, but I think it's neat. Here are a few pics.They are of the side of the case. It's just clear plexiglass, so I decided it needed to be prettied up a bit. Hope you enjoy!

12 Wishes for 2009

2009-01-04T13:06:00.000-08:00

So, if you ready my post on New Years Eve, about the traditions, you'll understand this, if not, you may be confused, but oh well, it happens to the best of us! Did you make any New Years Resolutions?? I didn't! I never keep them, so I figure why bother.
I did however partake in a few of the traditions, the main one being the 12 grapes and 12 wishes. At about 10 minutes to Midnight I got out my grapes and started making wishes as I ate them 1 by one. Just when Midnight arrived, I made my last wish. I'm not the kind of girl to ask for much, or even "wish" for things, so I had a hard time trying to think about 12 things that I wanted... I just want happiness and healing, and I could only think of one thing that would help me attain that goal, so I wished for another baby. Does it still work if you wish for the same thing 12 times??? Over and over I wished for a baby.
I have wanted more children for a long time now. Chase just turned 4, at the rate we've been going, he'll be 7 or 8 before we have another baby... if we ever do. Since our loss in November, I've had a much darker outlook on life. It changed who I am. I'm still kind, sweet, little, Shannon, but I'm much more pessimistic too. I used to believe anything was possible. Not anymore. At least when it comes to us and our fertility issues. I hope and pray and try to keep my chin up, but the pain has sometimes threatened to overwhelm me. So, I'm hoping that Wishes do Come true!

I scrapped a Layout about my 12 wishes today for the Sassy Blinging Babes Weekly Challenge. I had know idea how emotional it would be for me to create a LO about my wishes. It even brought tears to my eyes a few times during the process.

RAK Giveaway!

2009-01-02T14:44:00.000-08:00

Kate Blue is giving away 4 RAKS on her blog. Just go here http://www.kateblue.blogspot.com/ and check out her blog. Then go to your blog and post a blog telling all your friends where they can win a RAK. After you've done that, go back to Kate's blog and post the link to where she can see that you spread the word about her giveaway. Go check it out!!! She's drawing names Sunday the 4th, so hurry and sign up!

Too quiet!

2009-01-01T16:26:00.000-08:00

It's entirely too quiet in my house right now! Chase is sleeping, Jake is playing PS3, and I'm sitting at my desk scrapping. I have music on, but it doesn't keep my mind from wandering. I've scrapped 3 pages today, that's almost a record for me. usually it takes me HOURS to just finish one page. We also went to town to do a little shopping. We got Chase a new winter coat, because he's growing out of his, and Jake used his gift card from his mom. He got a cool new set of Headphones and 2 pairs of jeans. He needed new ones bad! Chase loves his new coat so much that he put it on when he laid down on the couch to take a nap. LOL

Of course, my mind wandering is never a good thing. It often ends in me crying about something or other. I'm a very sensitive person, not to mention that I'm BiPolar... Diagnosed at age 18. I'm sure it would help me to go to Therapy and/or be back on meds, but I hated the way I felt when I was on meds. I haven't taken anything for my depression in almost 9 years, and I really don't want to start again. I've always thought that I could handle it on my own, but it's been so much harder this year than it ever has, and I'm struggling. I just keep praying and hoping thst God will help me through all this. On occasion, I even start to get angry at God, asking why he would let some of these things happen to me. I know that He never gives us more than we can handle, and that during thise times we think he has left us, he's there carrying us. Although it is hard to believe at times.

Reflections

2008-12-31T14:34:00.000-08:00

As I sit here thinking about how I'll be ringing in 2009, I bein to reflect on 2008. It was a year full of ups and downs for me. Especially the last few months being the worst. Really, that chunk of the year could disappear and I wouldn't complain, except for Chase's Birthday.
It's always bitter sweet to celebrate his birthday. I love watching him learn and grow. He's such a sweet young man, and I say "Young Man" because he is just no longer a baby. He looks so much more grown up than he did just 1 year ago, or even 6 months ago. And while I enjoy seeing him grow, I hate watching him grow up. He'll be grown before I know it. I hate the thought of him no longer being a baby. He'll always be my baby boy though.
I'm trying more to focus on the good things and the blessings, and sometimes I feel like I'm Job and that God is giving me all these trials to test my faith. But I'm not giving up on God or my faith.
My sister in Law and I were talking earlier about traditions for New Years Eve, if anyone is interested in reading, check out this link:
http://chi.remezcla.com/re/article.jsp?type=sociedad&a=832

As we sat and talked about eating the 12 grapes and making 12 wishes for the new year, I said to her "I don't think I have 12 things to wish for" to that she replied, "I know what you want, and maybe it'll work if you wish the same wish over and over all 12 times" I sure hope so, cause really, I don't think about things I want too much, I'm by no means perfect but I do try to be always giving, almost to a fault. I do need to learn to take time for myself sometimes as well though.
As years go, this was not my favorite, but I'm hopeful that 2009 will bring much better times and more great memories.

My first.

2008-12-26T06:33:00.001-08:00

OK, so this is my first post on here. I've blogged other places, but just started this blog.
It's kinda boring right now, but my dear friend Candace has offered to help me spruce things up a bit. Thanks Candace!

I'll write more later or Tomorrow, but right now, I'm off to the Scrapbook store to spend the Gift Certificate my Mother in Law got me for Christmas! YAY!!! I'm all about getting new scrapping goodies!