Friday, February 27, 2009

My Angel Baby

I haven't gotten to sit down and scrapbook much lately, but last night, I finished a layout I started about 2 and 1/2 months ago. Here it is.
This was a very emotional layout, and as just about anyone would imagine, very difficult to scrap.
The poem on the LO reads:

An Angel once lay beneath my heart,
A promise of life to come;
My little babe, was resting there,
Yet would not follow me home

My tiny, precious angel,
Had plans unknown to all.
For my Angel heard the voice of God,
And hastened to his call .

My Angel flew on fragile wings,
Into the Father's arms
To slumber there in peaceful rest,
Untouched by earthly harms.

So slumber there my pecious child,
Till I can come to you.
I'll keep you here, deep in my heart.
Till my journey on earth is through.

I'm still not sure if I'm completely satisfied with the layout, but I'm calling it finished for now at least. I started this page about 2 weeks after my D&C, and it sat unfinished and untouched until last night. I just couldn't come up with what I wanted to do as far as the angel goes. At first I just wanted some type of Angel embellishment to put somewhere on the page along with the poem. Then I decided I wanted angel wings coming from behind the poem, but when I couldn't find anything like I was looking for (either online or in my Local Scrapbook Store) I decided to print the poem on Vellum and put an angel above it. 2 problems with that idea, The first problem being that I didn't have enough room left on the page for something like that, and the second problem being that I could not find an angel picture that I liked. When I did a google image search, I found a whole bunch of Anime angels and Topless angels, and all kinds of other weird angels. I just couldn't find what I wanted! Then I remembered the E-card my mom had sent me the day we found out about the baby. That was where I got the poem too... why hadn't I thought of it before? In it, was a beautiful image of an angel holding a baby. It was just what I had been looking for!
The day my mom had sent me that E-Card, I was so mad at her. (Not to mention how mad I was at God?) I thought it was very insensitive of her and I hated that she sent it to me, how dare she tell me that my baby was in heaven, the very day that I had lost it! I didn't want my baby in Heaven . I wanted my baby inside me, growing and thriving. But for some reason, I never deleted that Ecard from my inbox. I'm sure God knew that someday, I would be glad to have it and that it would be used as a tool to help me in the healing process. I don't know how many times I have gone back and read that poem and cried my eyes out, missing my baby, thinking about all the things I'll never get to share with Him/Her. So, when I went back to read it once again last night, and I didn't cry my eyes out, I knew God had given me enough peace to finally scrapbook this very important part of my life, just like any other memory.

So, when I sat down last night, and decided to finish this LO, again, I racked my brain trying to decide exactly HOW, I wanted to do it. I knew I wanted an Angel in the LO somewhere and then it dawned on me, I could print on Vellum and have the Angel BEHIND the poem. Since I don't have a photo editing program in my computer, (and I don't really know how to use Photoshop very well) I enlisted Jake's help in removing the background from the angel and placing the of poem over top of it. I enjoyed working on this with my hubby. I feel likle it helped us connect a little more. I had been kind of bitter towards him for a while after we lost the baby. I was upset that it wasn't nearly as hard for him to heal after the loss. I had to heal emotionally, AND physically, and I'm still a work in progress, but, I am so thankful that God has given me a loving and supportive husband, who is knows how important this baby is to me and knows how important it is for me to ceate this Tribute. Even more, I'm Thankful that God has given me some peace about the situation.
Thank You Jesus!
Nearly 4 months after our loss, I still miss that baby, and I do still cry. (I've shed more than a few tears just writing this post) But I'm a much better person for it, and a better Christian. I have gone to God in Prayer, and Thanks so much more in the last 4 months than I have in the past 8 years.
Well, Chase is up now, and my train of thought has derailed.
And before I forget to tell you. Thank you for all the prayers you have been praying on our behalf. They are very much appreciated!

1 comment:

  1. Shannon, that is so wonderful that you and Jake were able to work on this together. I think you're's a healing process for the both of you. I love the page. The poem is beautiful and the angel image couldn't be any more appropriate. That is a beautiful tribute to your angel baby. HUGS.