Friday, June 5, 2009

Questioning Faith

I haven't been blogging lately, and I miss it, sometimes though, I wonder if I have anything to say that anyone would be interested in reading. Tonight, that isn't the case. Actually, it doesn't matter who reads my blog. Mostly, I'm writing it for me.
Tonight I'm dealing with some fears and questioning my faith. I had faith when I was a kid... I have seen miracles happen... Why now, when I'm praying for a miracle for my own life, am I so unsettled? I've been praying, and trying to just give my fears up into God's hands, but Satan is working overtime in this little head of mine.
I've already seen a miracle in that I have conceived again, just 5 months after losing our last baby. (We've never conceived in anything less than 3 years before) Why then, can I not believe that God has his hand upon me and this baby. I mean, I do believe it, I'm just having trouble believing that He is going to let me carry this baby to full term and give birth to a healthy baby. I mean, why should he, I'm a sinner, and not the best Mom in the world. But I have Love to give... LOTS of it, and I'm trying to be a better Christian. I'm by no means perfect. I just have to keep reminding myself that Jesus died on that cross for my sins, and I'm forgiven.
I am scheduled for an Ultrasound on Tuesday...only 4 days away and I'm so anxious and apprehensive about it. I'm afraid there will be no heartbeat in our baby... again! According to calculations, I'm already 10 weeks, which is farther than we made it last time, but I'm still worried. I'm praying for strength and peace about it. I'm trying to have faith... even as a mustard seed, but today, has been a very difficult day.
Why when I have seen so many miracles happen, can I not believe he'd do one for me???

Let him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you. 1 Peter 5:7

I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. John 14:27

He tells us right here in these verses that he will take care of things. I know this to be true... Sometimes we just need to be reminded.

By the way, we haven't told any family that we are pregnant yet! Hopefully we'll have good news for them on Tuesday.


  1. Shannon, you are in my thoughts and prayers DAILY. I want you to know how much I am praying for a healthy baby. I know how much you want this and I so want for you to be happy. I know it's hard. As humans, it is not easy at all to give our problems to God, but that's just what you need to do. Trust in him, give it up to him, let him take control. That's what he wants you to do. Pray about it. Give it up. You'll feel better. :)

  2. Shannon, you are already on the right track. You are turning to Him and quoting scriptures (promises) that He has provided you. Now let him meet you where you are. It's ok! God can handle your doubts, your fears, and even your faith when it is as small as a mustard seed. Don't be afraid to cry out to Him and express these feelings. I am also praying for this baby to continue to grow and thrive.